Don’t piss off the Police.

Had a meeting with my Minister of Police (Constable S Ndlovu), his conduct advisor, the Chief of Police, his Aide De Camp, the special envoy to the advisor’s assistant to the Department of Civil Unrest and Samson, the tea boy (He brought tea and stayed for the meeting).

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A meeting of the minds, as it were.

It has been decided to, after much reworking, to “sensitise” the latest crime stats, so as to avoid the populace slipping into anaphylactic shock. Hence all crimes are down 83 %. In addition to making the cities seem safer, as it were, it makes me look good too. Five stars for Samson, as he suggested the revamping of the stats.

It was further agreed that the suggestion put forward by the tea boy himself  (after the subtle transfer of a decidedly thick envelope by an undisclosed party at the table to Samson), that the powers of the police are to be extended, more specifically with regards to what was termed “on the spot” fines.

The balance of extended powers is still to be determined, but the Police Force is to use their discretion in the interim.

At the conclusion of the meeting and over white bread sandwiches, I happened to mentioned to the Minister that the American writer, Paul Theroux has been, in the past, less than complimentary of African Police Forces. More specifically, in his book Dark Star Safari, he was of the opinion that African Police were little more than licenced thieves.

As result of his reaction thereto, should Mr Theroux wish to continue his prolific travels within our borders, the police now have orders to shoot on sight.

A further five stars for Samson for that suggestion.

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