I have just returned from my annual skiing holiday, (this year in the Swiss Alps) feeling rather irritable, moody and ready to smack. Chief among reason(s) being:
- Air Eritrea does not fly direct to the Alps. This necessitated a connecting flight from Ethiopia, a ferry crossing (there and back), numerous taxis, 2 trains (only 1 second class berth though), a donkey and a bottle of six-day old milk.
- I had to fly Air Eritrea because my 1st private jet is in for repairs, after we attempted a mock bombing run (or “dry run” as it were), on the opposition’s strong hold area. (A story for another day).
- I could not fly via my 2nd private jet as it had gone ahead of me to deliver luggage etc. This was necessitated by being grossly overweight at check-in. (For all you nay-sayers, please note that some rules in Africa are in fact adhered too, even if they make no sense at the time. It may have something to do, however, with the request for and exchange of money, usually American Dollars).
- I could not fly my 3rd private jet as it was on loan to Air Eritrea. (One makes one’s income as and when).
- I was over come with fear upon learning that there was a Christmas Undiebomber on the loose, targeting innocent aircraft and their equally innocent passengers. (I had yet to fly home).
- Fear turned to relief when I realised that the bomber was targeting a specific ideology (and Eritrea is no longer on the world stage as an ideology, unlike the US of A), yet bearing in mind that in Africa, a righteous anger need not have a specific target, it is the execution thereof that is the object. Thus my relief was not complete, you understand.
- Relief became fear again when I was informed that the undiebomber was from Nigeria and hence, probably dumb enough to climb onto my plane by accident. He was dumb enough to place a bomb in his underpants and then not get it going, so anything is/was possible with this buffoon.
The only ray of sunshine was when I was advised, upon my illustrious return, by my Minister of Inland Security, Mr Sebenza Whataboy Ditlopo that a certain Finance Minister had been caught working in his office during the Christmas period. Now, I am of the blunt opinion that if one is unable to hide one’s incompetency behind one’s Ministers, then they serve no purpose whatsoever. The specific Minster’s dedication and hard work puts me in a bad light and affords me no excuse, nor scapegoat, as it were, when things do go wrong. (And they probably will). Hence Mr Sebenza Whataboy Ditlopo performed the necessary removal from office, or as those in important political circles (not mine, mind you) like to call such events: purging.
But, a decent purge is as good as a holiday, I always say.