Changing Names – The Real Reasons (Part 2) (C) Edookayshun

28/05/2012

Edookayshun, also known in current parlance as “education”.

Where and how does this fit in, you ask.

Let me explain. It’s very simple.

Educated people question before they vote. They want to know what we/I have to deliver, have I made these promises before and have I delivered on these said promises in the past? (Answer: of course not. Not in a million years). Once they reach their own conclusions, they then vote on the basis of these silly, but correct conclusions.

The uneducated don’t. They do what we/I tell them to do. They are easily intimidated and easily fooled. (See Julius Malema). We promise them service delivery (see previous post), we promise them education, as it were, we promise them jobs and we promise them change.

You must use this finger…Huh? …No, your own and you must vote for us. We can bring the same change year after year. Huh? Hey, Bra van my, I know how much change the buses use!

And the uneducated, they don’t think and recognise their poor uneducated position.

No!

They see the promises. They hold onto the promises and they vote for me, never thinking about four years back when they were spun the same rehashed crap.

Now son, let us say that in between elections we do in fact educate these people, my voting populace. We provide schools, we provide text books and toilet facilities with roofs, what do you think will happen?

Exactly!

They begin to think. They think about their places in society, about promises never kept, they start thinking for themselves.

And eventually, I have the hordes at my gates, wanting a slice of the pie, my pie (as it were).

So, there it is…education gives rise to problems. Namely for me.

In other words – a vote for education, is a vote against me.


Changing Names – The Real Reasons (Part 2) (B) Service Delivery

15/05/2012

Right, let’s get back to the Name Changes game and the second reason as to why we do so: SERVICE DELIVERY.

Touchy subject.

This, son, is a multifaceted issue which needs to be navigated with a very good spokesperson by your side. preferably someone as thick-skinned and ignorant as Mr F Shivambu. Why? Because eventually someone’s “gonna get it in the neck” and it sure as … aint going to be me.

Now, let me get straight to the point:

Spending money on service delivery is dangerous!

Why?

Because it makes “them” used to a certain type of lifestyle, like enclosed flush toilets (See Democratic Alliance, Western Cape), running water and municipal waste collection. And once they are used to a certain lifestyle, as it were, they want a better one than the one they already have. And so on and so on, with the end result being that some idiot wants to move into the palace.

Which, obviously, is unacceptable!

Look! Look how dirty. First I have to poo in the bushes, then use the leaves to wipe. Ag sies man!

In any event I have a more important lifestyle to maintain and a much more expensive one at that, to be contributing tax payers money to the comfort of others.

Simple.

That said, there is one very important exception to with holding service delivery and that, my son, is around election time. When touting for votes before elections (a completely unnecessary process in my case), it is useful to promise service delivery and then to very partially deliver on these promises. In other words, dig a few holes for latrines, mark out borders for housing and the such like. And once the elections are over, TADAAAA! all work can halt due to a “lack of funds from the community”. Works like a charm every time. Gets everybody in the same boat, as it were.

An added benefit of these silly promises is that you can put the jobs out to tender and have family members “win”. Ah yes, the tax payer has deep, deep pockets to pay for this frivolity. (If you know what I mean).

Lastly, on the issue of service delivery or the lack thereof, is that at some stage, it leads to protests, led by colonial rabble rousers. And this gives rise to?

Yes!

An opportunity to flex one’s muscles in the form of a police action. Enter stage left, Mr Sebenza Whataboy Ditlopo (Lovely man).

That is all.

 


Changing Names – The Real Reasons (Part 2) A) HIV/AIDS

07/05/2012

We previously started a discussion re: Changing city, town and street names and after giving you the reasons why we do it and which seem obvious, but are incorrect, I left you in suspense, as it were, as to the real reasons we do this.

You will, in all probability be offended by the actual factors, but life, my son, often offends.

It is an interesting point to note that the opposition is often the closest to the truth without even realising it. When ever the issue of name changes is brought up, they always end up pushing the same line:

“Why not spend the money that will be spent on name changes on issues like HIV/AIDS, service delivery and education”?

And therein, my son, lies the rub.

Firstly, and in the words of my previous incumbent (See Thabo Mbeki): “It is not clear as to whether HIV does in fact cause AIDS”. So why spend cash on an unproven scientific fact? You see my point? Why spend tax payer’s (read my) money on something when garlic and rhubarb will in all probability do the trick (See Mantombazana ‘Manto’ Edmie Tshabalala-Msimang).

RIP Manto Tshabalala-Msimang. The question is: Did she shower, or did she not!

RIP Manto Tshabalala-Msimang. The question is: Did she shower, or did she not!

 

(As an aside, just remember to take a shower after “the deed”. It worked for me).

Secondly and more to the point – we spend tax payer’s (see previous comment) money on HIV/AIDS and we save people’s lives. I know it is a fantastic PR opportunity in the short run, but in the long run what the AID (see “irony”) organisations do not tell you is that this causes a population explosion, which means more mouths to feed, more mouths to complain and more mouths to shut up!

And being a semi democratic (as it were) dictator, this is intolerable.

So, at the end of the day, my son, the first reason is all about manipulating the population, limiting the possibility of a growing opposition and keeping myself where I belong.

In power.

(Stay tuned for Part B)


Changing Names – The Real Reasons (Part 1)

04/05/2012

Why change city, town and street names?

Not for the reasons you think, trust me.

It’s got nothing to do with remembering struggle heroes of twenty to thirty years ago. I mean who was Stanza Bopape in any event? Lilian Ngoyi? Sophie De Bruyn? And don’t cheat by googling them! Nobody knows who these people were, least of all me. And I run this place.

In any event, did the great King Tshwane ever exist? Who knows and really, who cares? He was not even a struggle hero (I may be wrong). Probably just some two-bit local cattle rustler, as it were. And I am not talking about Tshwane’s own King of Bling here!

So sorry I’m late, I got lost on the way into the city centre. I mean, where the hell does Stanza Bopape Drive go?

It has less to do with pissing off the minority opposition (but it is an added benefit). The fact that I run the show like my own personal fiefdom is enough to piss most people off, trust me. Changing street names alone to piss of the opposition is fun, but not reason enough.

No, the real reason is a lot darker, a lot more sinister, more shocking.

More self-serving!