I was and am again, by hook and by crook, the dictatorially elected leader of a southern african country. I have defeated all neo and post colonialists in their direct and not so direct attempts to flush me from the Presidential palace and have survived countless civil wars within my own borders and without. Some I have initiated, others I have assisted in initiating.
I rule with the benevolent iron fist that my people have come to love and cherish. I always put my interests first, for as Confucius says (or was it Obama?) As your President goes, so goes you country. Words to live by.
Hence, my toilet bowl is not large enough to accomodate my entire frame. I trust you get the picture.