Be all you can be in the army

20/03/2010

 

I love the Army.

Apart from all the “big” things (like tanks and planes and missile launchers and explosions), the army has definite advantages.

I find that the most common and convenient use for our boys in brown (a mere descriptive term, of course, given the general state of their fiscal budget & consequent inability to place members in uniform) is to put down actual, perceived and non-existent (as the case may be) coups. Using the army in cases such as these will forever remove the opportunity for the West (and they will always find an opportunity if given the chance) to use the words “Police State! Rogue Police State!”

Why do I say this?

Simple – the police were not used, the army was. Ha! Strike one.

And “they” will never be able to claim that the country is run by a military junta, as The Beloved was elected via a direct democratic process, as it were (one man – one vote, namely mine). Strike two.

Then, once the coup, (real, perceived or otherwise) has been put down with the corresponding force, the army disappears back to the fringes of the country to fight those blasted rebel groups demanding silly things like secession, self-government, basic housing, adequate medical care and the like. Strike three.

So it is really hard not to love the army.

The real challenge is keeping the Generals happy (ie. in money) To combat this (pardon the military pun) I have found that the best is to make oneself the über General, or to steal a turn of phrase from the Americans (Like the Wehrmacht, they always have flashy titles) – the Commander-in-Chief.

And that, I must say is what really clinches the deal. I now get to wear a uniform, have rank, carry a gun in a holster and get medals. Lots of them.  And I never had to do a day’s training.

That is what it’s all about, really. The bling!

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Deny Deny Deny (The Tactical Denial)

08/03/2010

 

Remember, who is the boss!!!

You are.

And being the boss means never, ever, ever having to answer for anything. This goes for denying that it was you who defrauded an international aid organisation out of millions of US tax payer’s dollars, to subtly changing the Constitution (for whatever it’s worth, in any event), to denying that it was yours truly who cracked your wife’s favourite vase in the entrance hall.

And it helps knowing that the buck does not stop with you. It stops, my son, with whomsoever you desire.

Lovely, isn’t it?

The Tactical Denial in action. Case study: Bill Clinton

 

And for the record, the vase, it was not me. I did not do it.

Impeach me if you dare, I still deny any involvement.