Where have all my followers gone?


I have noticed, with a growing sense of irritation, that some of my twitter followers have been abandoning the proverbial ship.

So Gwede (that’s Mantashe) and I sat down around some Johnny Walker Blue (that’s Whiskey) to figure out where the problem lies, as it were.

Me first.

I have discovered a parody twitter account by the name of Jacob G. Zuma (note the period), aka @SAPresident. Now this account comes complete with that stupid little Nike tick at the end, which I am advised by my advising advisors, means that it is a gen-u-wine (that’s American talk) and verified twitter account.

WTF? (that’s Welcome to Facebook).

Now the bupkiss (that’s British colonialists talk) that this parody account comes up with is ludicrous. (that’s the Truth).

For example: Over the last decade, six of the world’s ten fastest growing economies were in Africa.

And: Let us celebrate the Jubilee by promoting peace, unity, dignity and prosperity in our beloved continent! Happy Africa Day to all!

I mean, with all due respect, who pens this sort of stuff?

I have my suspicions. Enter Stage Left: Jackson Mthembu. (that’s theatre talk)

I have noticed Jackson clickety clickety clacking away on the new Blakburry he bought a few weeks back when we went to Chinatown. And discrete inquiries with my service provider tell me that Twitter on a cellular telephone is the next big thing.

So it is apparent that some of my followers are following the tick, as it were. Let me say this – just ‘cos he drives a nice BMW with leather seats and low profiles, don’t mean he’s gonna be nice to you, sweetie!


Hey JZ, my bra! You sure this is what they talk about when they say “Tweeting”? Where is the hashtag button?

Now Gwede, on the other hand, believes that it may have had something to do with my duck tweet of a few weeks back.

Given that Gwede is the more intelligent of the two of us, I am inclined to accept his reasoning.


My Mistake



Sorry, my mistake.

Turns out it was not a coup d’etat, but rather, as my good doctor has diagnosed: a result of too much Jim Beam (White Label) Bourbon.

Either way, the Americans are still to blame. Why the heck are they allowed to make such bad bourbon?


Sheeeeeeeeaaaaaat. What the? Who the? This stuff would unclog the kitchen sink


To be honest, I should have taken a page out of the last King of Scotland’s book. The dearly departed Idi Amin Dada was a firm believer in all things Scottish.

And that is how one learns, I suppose. By trial and experience.

I am, however, left with a conundrum. A few hundred opposition supporters and their leaders were arrested in the unrest which folllowed my most unfortunate incapacitation and are now languishing in prison pending trial for high treason. Do I release or keep them “inside”, as it were?

Prison is not sooo bad…